How to Lose Your Mother, A Daughter’s Memoir by Molly Jong-Fast is a story of love, loss, grief, and dealing with life’s challenges.
Molly Jong-Fast is the daughter and only child of Erica Jong, a very successful and famous writer. Molly mentions that although she had a huge advantage from being the daughter of someone famous, it came at a cost.
She had a chaotic childhood and an intense mother-daughter relationship. Molly grew up longing for a connection. Her mother is an alcoholic who now has dementia. Molly, too, had her own addictions and at age 19 went to rehab. It is admirable that she made this choice and has been able to be a different mother to her own children.
Unfortunately, while dealing with her mother’s dementia, Molly’s husband is diagnosed with cancer.
To quote the author, “Sometimes you just have to put the life jacket on yourself first,” and “so much of life isn’t a choice”.
Her memoir shares these times and many more of life’s challenges.
To appreciate Molly’s childhood, you need to understand who Erica Jong is. Erica wrote her first book in 1973. “The Fear of Flying” was considered rather scandalous. Feminism and adult themes, not topics of that time. She went on to write other successful books and poems. I haven’t read “The Fear of Flying”, but I certainly will be now.
The book is interesting and well written, although sometimes repetitive. There are anecdotes told with humour, and others are very sad.
For readers who have gone through similar life experiences, it is good to know you are not alone.
I enjoyed the book, although I found it sad, it is also inspiring, as Molly finally accepts her past and is able to move forward.
A selection of our members are reading How to Lose Your Mother by Molly Jong-Fast. You can read their comments below, or add your own review.
I love to read, any book on any topic. I now love ebooks as they are easier to store, I was running out of bookshelves! My other interests are family, gardening and our beautiful King Charles spaniel dog who is my reading companion.
How to Lose Your Mother: A Daughter’s Memoir, ( Pan MacMillan) by Molly Jong-Fast is a raw and brutally honest account of the author’s ‘annus horribilis.’
In one year her husband is diagnosed with cancer, her father in law and aunt die, and her mother and step father need to be moved to a nursing home because of dementia. Just one of these situations would be bad enough but Jong-Fast faced all of this in the same year.
Not making it any easier is the fact that the author is the only daughter of Erica Jong the famous feminist writer, and Molly Jong-Fast is still coming to terms with the neglect she felt playing second fiddle to her mother’s fame, love life and career.
In many ways this memoir reads a bit like a therapy session as the author reminisces about her dysfunctional childhood, and how she longed for her mother’s attention. It is both sad and funny at times. It is also quite poignant when her mother’s dementia means that their roles are now reversed and she faces the heartbreak and guilt of being the responsible adult in their relationship.
A bleak and revealing memoir and for anyone dealing with dementia the statement – “my mother is just a body now” – is so sadly and brutally true.
This is a biography written by Molly Jong-Fast who is the only daughter of a favourite, well-loved author called Erica Jong. She wrote her first book The Fear of Flying in 1973. I have to say, I have never heard her name before or the book.
If this book was a fiction novel it would be well jam packed with stories of alcoholism, death, love, cancer, loss of love. There are times when I would have a chuckle at what Molly would say or do.
It’s not hard to feel for Molly who grew up alone with her mum who had numerous relationships and marriages. Her mum was an alcoholic, and you would think that would deter Molly but unfortunately, with the life she lives with her mum, she became addicted to alcohol at an early age. Thankfully, she didn’t want to end up like her mum, so she booked herself into rehab at the age of 19.
Molly marries Matt who is just so warm and then he gets cancer. Molly’s world is pulled from Matt to her mum and even her stepfather who has Parkinsons. She still has a strong relationship with her own dad.
As we read the story of Molly and her mum who are in a love/hate relationship, Erica is then getting dementia. It’s hard on Molly but even harder for Erica who refuses to believe she has dementia.
Molly had children of her own, 3 in fact and she loves them much more then how her mum loved her.
I found myself feeling for Molly and having to deal with her mum and stepfather, her life with her own husband. It just goes to show, being the daughter of anyone famous is not always like a wow factor.
I am glad I read the book; I was a bit apprehensive with reading re dementia as my mum had this disease and it’s horrible to watch someone you love change. This book really opens up your eyes on how Molly had to adjust to life and dealing with her mum who never really had much time for her as a child.
I sensed from reading that Molly needed to write this story re her mum to help her understand what she was going through. Kind of like self-help therapy. Molly becomes the adult and protector for her mum and stepfather as well. She had to make strong decisions on how to deal with everything.
Thank you Beauty & Lace and Pan Macmillan for sending me this book to read. I did thoroughly enjoy reading and following the story of Molly and Erica Jong.
How to Lose your Mother is a memoir of Molly Jong-Fast’s relationship with her mother, author Erica Jong. Molly shares stories and insights into her childhood and life, growing up in the shadows of the celebrity and fame hungry mother, coming to grips with her mother’s decline of abilities due to a dementia diagnosis. At the same time, Molly shares her stepfather’s diagnosis of Parkinsons and her husband’s cancer diagnosis.
Throughout the care and decision making Molly needs to do, she is honest and open with the struggles of coming to terms with her childhood, her relationships and how those have affected further relationships.
It is insightful, heartbreaking but also uplifting. Thank you Beauty and Lace and Pan MacMillan for the opportunity to read this book.
How to Lose Your Mother by Molly Jong-Fast
How to Lose Your Mother is an honest and emotional memoir that really touched me. Molly Jong-Fast writes openly about her complicated relationship with her mother acclaimed writer Erica Jong .In an intense mother-daughter relationship. Molly grew up longing for a connection. Her mother is an alcoholic who now has dementia. Molly alson had her own addictions and at age 19 went to rehab.
But It is admirable that she made a choice and has been able to be a different mother to her own children.
Some parts made me feel quite sad, especially the moments where she reflects on losing most of her family.
Still, the way she shared her story with such honesty made it a powerful and meaningful read.
I would recommend this book to others,both young and old especially anyone who has experienced complex family dynamics or is caring for ageing parents. It’s a story that stays with you.
Thankyou beauty and lace
It certainly does open your eyes to what other people’s lives can be like.
How to Lose Your Mother by Molly Jong-Fast is a raw memoir about Molly’s worst year.
We follow Molly’s emotional year where she needs to put her Mother and Step Dad into aged care due to them needing more assistance. The guilt that comes with moving them is voiced throughout the memoir. In addition, Molly’s husband is diagnosed with cancer. Molly’s navigates all of this while raising and family and still working. I really enjoyed this memoir, it is super honest and very well written.
Thank you for allowing me to read and review.
Thanks to Beauty and Lace for my copy of How to Lose Your Mother by Molly Jong-Fast.
This is Molly’s story of growing up with a mother in the spotlight. Her mother was an author, who while living the life with interviews, celebrities and all things famous, simply didn’t or couldn’t put any time into raising her daughter, Molly. Molly grew up raised by her nanny (who she loved but it wasn’t her mother). She craved her mother’s attention.
In this book Molly is faced with her husband, Matt, having cancer and her mother and stepfather both having dementia. It’s an extremely hard time for Molly. I love her brutal honesty about how she is feeling about everything that is happening at this time and about the mother she is losing that she never really had to begin with.
How To Lose Your Mother by Molly Jong-Fast is a moving memoir about life, love and family.
It covers a year in what is undoubtedly a hard and stressful time, and the author’s ability to still find the humour is commendable.
Whilst I found myself filled with empathy, I had difficulty connecting with the book. I’ve put this down to being unfamiliar with the author’s mother and her works.
Thank you for the opportunity to read this.
Thank you Beauty and Lace for the opportunity to review “How to Lose Your Mother” by author Molly Jong-Fast.
This memoir provides a snapshot of an adult only child daughter who has been living a life in the shadow of a celebrity Mother and who as an only child learnt very quickly that her Mother’s success and the reality of waning success lead to her Mother’s ego becoming so bruised that she could only cope with self medicating with alcohol.
This memoir documents her Mother’s bitterness and descent into alcohol abuse with her declining celebrity and subsequently the slow journey into dementia. The Author speaks of the child neglect and dysfunction and others caring for her in lieu of her Mother and how she longed for her Mother to parent her and now through her Mother’s own needing care and dependence on her daughter, Molly finds herself as a busy Mum of 3, juggling the demands of her own Mother and finding the tables turned and herself outsourcing the care of her Mother.
A sad and often humorous writing, it was easy to feel empathy for Molly and anyone who finds themselves with aging parents and dementia will resonate with this memoir.